i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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