Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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