I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
