don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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