Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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