do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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