I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
