I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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