would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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