I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
