can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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