Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
