Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
