I faked an abortion last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
