I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
