You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
