he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
