OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
