Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
