So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
