im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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