Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
