I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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