genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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