is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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