do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
