i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
