ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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