whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
