I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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