I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
