he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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