My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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