Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
