Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
