He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You can't just leave with hair like that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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