omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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