I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
