I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
