remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
