I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
