News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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