the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
