It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
