I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
