just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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