She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
