we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
