I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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