i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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