My first STD was from a foam party
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I currently don't understand fingers.
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