wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize