Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
