Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
