I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
