I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
