How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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