everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
