my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
