my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
