I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
