Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
