just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
