Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
