why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
