My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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