i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
