i think i have herpe
just one?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
