after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
