My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
