I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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