Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
