apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
