Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
