My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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