oh god the rape fog is back!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
