You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
