Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is my gift to your gina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
