Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How does one acquire holy water?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
