I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
