I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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