he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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